Now it’s that time you've all been waiting for, the chance to
officially meet your contestants for the 2015 Northwest Young Life 6th Annual
Mr. Christmas Tree Pageant.
1. Hunter Malone
Not only will he lead off for
your NW Viking Baseball team, but he’s leading off tonight. Ladies and
Gentlemen, put your hands together for Mr. Hunter Malone. A Conference Champion
in baseball, Mr. Malone is no stranger to winning the title. As he walks down
the aisle you may recognize his lovely face, it’s probably because you’ve seen
it on your Lifetouch school photo flyers. With a jawline that rivals Zoolander,
you can understand why he’s kicking off our parade of beauties this evening. He
may be 0-1 in fights at a Young Life camp, but he’s #1 in everyone’s
heart. Let’s show a warm Viking welcome
to Mr. Hunter Malone.
2. Mac Renslow
Walking in at the towering
height of 6 foot 5, weighing in at a staggering 98lbs, put your hands together
for your Student Body Secretary, Mr. Mac Renslow. Noah MacIntyre has been in the Christmas
spirit since the day he was born, I mean, check out those ginger locks of
Christmas flavored hair follicles. He
can do a back handspring, walk on his knuckles, blow bubbles off his tongue,
and Mac scored higher on the SAT than the rest of the contestants combined.
Captain of the Lacrosse team and the kind of young man all you ladies want to
bring home to meet your parentals. It’s
time for a Mac-attack- let him feel the love- ladies and gentlemen- Mr. Mac
Renslow.
3. Danny Greene
Up next is another man who
loves the colors of Christmas- give it up for Daniel Green. He’s the only man who can smile while running
a cross country race. “Danny, aren't you hurting while running so fast?”
(chuckling) “Why yes I am” he says while laughing… only mocking your pain with
his grin.
Danny is also a faithful fan
of the 12-0 Carolina Panthers… and just like them, he plans to walk away from
tonight as a winner. No, he doesn’t have the physique of Cam Newton, and no, he
probably can’t even spell the word physique, but neither can you, and that’s
why you love Danny Green- because a vote for Danny, is a vote for the people.
Danny has 2 eyes, just like you, 2 ears, just like you, and you know what else,
Danny likes the smell of coffee. Ladies and gentlemen, let’s hear it for Daniel
Rudolph Greene.
4. Connor Doak
The only contestant to have
received a concussion while wrestling inside of a sleeping bag in this very
room, let’s welcome Connor Doak. Does he look just like Captain America?
Please, do Happy Meals come with a toy?
Does a hundred pound bag of flour make a big biscuit? Is water wet? Connor Doak is a modern day superhero. His
body is built like a machine, but his heart is more like a teddy bear. It’s
like a Build-a-Bear store, except instead of building a bear, someone built a
soldier and put a sweet little teddy bear inside. It’s no wonder his last name
ends in the letters OAK. A wildabeast,
built like an Oak Tree, here tonight to compete to be your tree, let’s welcome
the superhero himself, Connor.. Oaky… Doaky.
5. James Einwaechter
If there’s a Darkhorse to win
tonight’s competition, it’s none other than James Einwaechter. No one has
spelled his last name correctly in the last century but that doesn’t stop him
from jumping out of an airplane on his 18th birthday. He can dunk on
an 8 foot goal and once beat Brady Elbin in one on one basketball when he was
in 8th grade. He brushes his
teeth with his left hand, and have you ever seen those pearly whites? Like the
cover of a magazine, especially a dental magazine. With a striking resemblance to Clark Kent,
ladies, he’s hoping tonight you’ll vote him as your Superman. Let’s hear a
Viking cheer for the Darkhorse, James Einwaechter.
6. Will Matherly
Our next contestant is Mr.
Will Matherly. Will enjoys long walks on the beach and tasty Starbucks
peppermint frappacinos. He began his
senior year in a wheel chair, and is rumored to have sustain the injuries while
wrestling a rabid jaguar, protecting his great- grandmother and her baby kitty,
who was stuck in a tree, while she was walking across the street with a cane.
When Will was 6 years old he received the distinguished honor of Most Improved
Player on his rec league soccer team. He
will soon receive his eagle scout award and in honor of such accomplishment,
let’s welcome Will by making the sound of an eagle together (ca-caw)
7. Robbie Rowell
The next contestant for the
2015 Mr. Christmas Tree pageant is none other than Robbie Rowell. No one in the
history of the world has ever said his first name without following it with his
last. Hello Robbie….Rowell. Many people have attempted, but no one has
succeeded. Mr. Rowell completed a great
accomplishment this fall while setting a Northwest Cross Country record…for the
slowest 5K. He was also embarrassingly defeated in a footrace by his 37 year
old Chaco-wearing Young Life leader in front of a crowd of thousands. While he may not run very fast at all, he actually has driven a vehicle over 150
mph, in a 55 mph speed zone. He has
handman skills of Bob the Builder and the film editing abilities of Steven
Spielberg, let’s give a warm round of applause to the man, the myth, the
legend, Mr. Robbie Rowell
8. Brady Elbin
A Burger King High School
All-American in basketball, lacrosse, cross country and gymnastics, put your
hands together for Brady Elbin. Against
all odds, Brady is actually wearing a shirt tonight, which is a rare
sight. But let’s be honest, if you had a
body like that, you probably wouldn’t wear a shirt either. But don’t get too
excited ladies, Brady wanted everyone here to know that he is off the market
and has pledged his kiss under the mistletoe to Anahla alone. A stellar athlete his entire life, this year
he was selected to play “left-out and alternate bench warmer” on the NW men’s
basketball team. You know him, you love
him, let’s make it rain for Brady Elbin.
9. Keegan Clary
His first name rhymes with
Brian Regan, now let’s give it up for Keegan.
Keegan Clary has the voice of a audio book narrator, the body of a
gazelle, and the golden locks of a greek god.
He has backpacked the Himalayas, surfed the beaches Paraguay, hang
glided over the Atlantic, and once tightroped walked across Niagra falls. Do
you smell that? That’s not axe body
spray, that’s not the scent of Christmas tree pine, that’s the aroma of a
winner- ladies and gentlemen, let’s hear it for Keegan Clary.
10. Zach Sanger
Much like Madonna or Prince,
know one actually knows another name of our next contestant, he only needs
one…put your hands together for the one-named ninja, Sanger. Sanger recently set a NW cross country record
for wearing the shortest shorts. You might not have seen them, either because
you mistook them for a wide belt or you were blinded by the whiteness glaring
off his upper thighs. He has been so dedicated
to Northwest Young Life that he has walked on foot to every club, which is a
huge feat, considering he lives 70 yards west of this building. His girlfriend may be a Sted-man, but he is a
Stud-man. Let’s give a Viking welcome to the fastest man in tonight’s
competition, Mr. Zachary Sanger.
11. Creighton Price
Our final contestant defeated
puberty at the age of 4, let’s welcome Creighton Price. With 12% body fat and 24% body hair, that
remaining 64% of Creighton Price is one big pile of love. A member of the NW Latin and fashion clubs,
Mr. Price is also the founder and CEO of the 1st ever NW soccer
club. A pitcher on the baseball team and
an anchor on the cross country team, this man puts the Elite in Athelete.
Ladies, if you're thinking “that’s one fine looking tree” Just realize… you’re
not alone. As we welcome Creighton Price
to the stage let’s give a rousing applause to all of our 2015 NWYL Mr.
Christmas Tree pageant contestants.
